1st Mood: 我和我的爱
These 2 weeks, I saw a big turn within a relationship. Ya, it is very dramatic and very cruel also. Hard to believe by others exceot God.
How was it happened? I can't tell or can't tell much. It is a friendship and lovers problems. How to say? I don't expert on it to explain. Someone said that, you maybe knew that what I'm thinking about before today. I admit. You are the one that the 1st person I wanna help much, even help you to find a job. You are the first person that I can dream about the life if you are being with me.
I know it is a sin that I going dream for this because you are not available. I should not think about these nonsence. I know that I'm going to be crazy or devil-minded. Luckily I know that what I should not do.
I wonder why I never tell you straight. And even today, at least I know what happened on you. I don't know that what you think about me. Maybe you think that I made thousands of analysis about you. I never show my understanding on you and others friends, because I still live in the horror dream in my love world. You are sad, but at the same time you are in happiness. This is what I keep promise myself and God that no matter who you are, even as a normal friend, I will still protect you and give you more care and help.
I my love world, I single for nearly 2 years. People saw that I enjoy my single life. And they are also won't able be understand me that I will started being torture by loneliness since about 6 months ago. Ya, I admit that, I hope to find one. The one who can care and lend me the shoulder, giving me hugs and kiss every night. I don't know whats the matter on me. God knows. I use true heart to facing humans. Thats why I will easily can feel what others feeling, especially loneliness. People will think that I don't understand them, why?
I never show this to them. I never. Physically I made people think that I never understand them. I still can't let off my horror experience. I still cannot forget what that bastard do on me. Ya, that bastard know how much I understand about it's story and feeling, and my understanding become the weapons that use to rejecting me, and finally show myself wasting all what I have that time on it. It makes me nearly lost my sanity when I know about it. I really want to find the bastard, and chop it into pieces......
Everyone maybe heard story from me sounds like different version. But who will tell the most sadness or embarass version to others? I'm the one who will only tell it here, and it is just a half also. I will cry every night. I will cry for nothing also. I do something different or say something weird, the one who really understand me, at least know that I'm in trouble.
The world outside, at least the people I facing now, are too easy for me to understand and feel it. Just they hard to admit, because it sounds like I can see what they thinking. It is sounds like I can know what they saying in their mind and heart. Thats why, people are never be too close to someone who really understand them, at least a half. Because they will feel that those people are too danger and easy to betray them.
I loving you, and now I will put it down, because your heart is still on him. I should not treat you as a lover anymore. All the dreams should me awake and come back to the real world. I can help you a lot when you need, but I must be sure that,
How was it happened? I can't tell or can't tell much. It is a friendship and lovers problems. How to say? I don't expert on it to explain. Someone said that, you maybe knew that what I'm thinking about before today. I admit. You are the one that the 1st person I wanna help much, even help you to find a job. You are the first person that I can dream about the life if you are being with me.
I know it is a sin that I going dream for this because you are not available. I should not think about these nonsence. I know that I'm going to be crazy or devil-minded. Luckily I know that what I should not do.
I wonder why I never tell you straight. And even today, at least I know what happened on you. I don't know that what you think about me. Maybe you think that I made thousands of analysis about you. I never show my understanding on you and others friends, because I still live in the horror dream in my love world. You are sad, but at the same time you are in happiness. This is what I keep promise myself and God that no matter who you are, even as a normal friend, I will still protect you and give you more care and help.
I my love world, I single for nearly 2 years. People saw that I enjoy my single life. And they are also won't able be understand me that I will started being torture by loneliness since about 6 months ago. Ya, I admit that, I hope to find one. The one who can care and lend me the shoulder, giving me hugs and kiss every night. I don't know whats the matter on me. God knows. I use true heart to facing humans. Thats why I will easily can feel what others feeling, especially loneliness. People will think that I don't understand them, why?
I never show this to them. I never. Physically I made people think that I never understand them. I still can't let off my horror experience. I still cannot forget what that bastard do on me. Ya, that bastard know how much I understand about it's story and feeling, and my understanding become the weapons that use to rejecting me, and finally show myself wasting all what I have that time on it. It makes me nearly lost my sanity when I know about it. I really want to find the bastard, and chop it into pieces......
Everyone maybe heard story from me sounds like different version. But who will tell the most sadness or embarass version to others? I'm the one who will only tell it here, and it is just a half also. I will cry every night. I will cry for nothing also. I do something different or say something weird, the one who really understand me, at least know that I'm in trouble.
The world outside, at least the people I facing now, are too easy for me to understand and feel it. Just they hard to admit, because it sounds like I can see what they thinking. It is sounds like I can know what they saying in their mind and heart. Thats why, people are never be too close to someone who really understand them, at least a half. Because they will feel that those people are too danger and easy to betray them.
I loving you, and now I will put it down, because your heart is still on him. I should not treat you as a lover anymore. All the dreams should me awake and come back to the real world. I can help you a lot when you need, but I must be sure that,
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE ON YOU.
I hope you can treasure your hapiness that you having now. Both of you are the lucky star. You are actually one of my lucky star also actually. At least, I'm the one who is the real boring person, and you add more colours in my daily life. God Bless you, my friend.
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