When there was seems nothing and depressing......

PS: Temporary today no warring states story......


Last tuesday morning at 0445 to 0500, I got a great athsma attack and nearly step to interview with Mr. Yim. Very lucky I saw Jason had wake up a bit so I phone him to send me to the hospital, because I had finish my medicine in the inhaler. But I wonder, I still never feel fully recover after take the 1st gas. So I take the 2nd but more worse! My condition seems become more serious. My bronchus seems became more narrow when I keep breathing. I remember that feeling. It is really near to death, if I giving up myself one second. But I...... Finally, because of them, I kept on breathing for my life. After 5 medicine, doctor advice me to get in to ward.


Very boring in ward life. Somemore when I saw got 2 patients who same ward with me, had already "da bao" one by one. It seems like a signal that told me, you are most likely the next. Haiz, what the fxxx! Finally I'm the one who da bao....... my own things and get out from the ward after recovering. But my right hand still a bit pain because of that plastic medicine tube.


Go back what I had said, and the memory was still very clear. If I giving up myself, I really will da bao and burned today. I still remember, while the time I'm become more suffering, I really don't know anything except SCARE. I really SCARE! Why so fast? Why my time has come so fast! What I can saw in my mind? That time? .......

My family......

My best friends......

I saw my parents face......I saw my sister, my little tiger...... I saw Boon and Kin Wai, eating sushi king with them...... I saw Roy and Jacky, always da kei and laugh me noob....... I saw Chee Loung and Mikki...... always chat with me...... I saw Hong, Kien, Heng, Kang and Chet...... I was always studying with them...... I saw Jia Yee and Shwu Han, the only girls who treat me good while form 6......I saw Jason and their guys, always ask me out at night......I saw my dear TA18 mates......having really good memory with them....... Although I only saw these, I really scare. It seems, I will said farewell with them......

No! I can't simply left them like this! If they are really treat me good! I'm not only one who live in the world. By God wills and presents giving me the great soul to make such of caring and good brothers and sisters. I really don't want to leave. I kept breathing, for myself, for them.......

Week ago, I found my old photos for my assignment, personal webpage. I saw back the photo above. I forgot who's birthday it was, but the atmosphere, I still can feel it. Say trully, maybe I'm really not be so mature, because keep on thinking about the past. I really miss both of them...... I got a few people that I really miss so much until now. YEAH! I know it was past, but I really cannot forgot. Maybe I will cry for my own, maybe will become moody...... When I saw all those pictures, people who beside me will really cannot know what I'm actually feeling. Unless I tell the story, but I will cry if I told them about my most missed relatives and friends. I don't know what people think about me, I only know I miss someone very very much......

Actually, in these 20+ days, I got back something bad feeling or what, when remembering what had happened in form 6. Although my day was very dark at that period, I still hope things will become better for today. Some people who still scare to me or whatever, I hope to be good with them now. I tired for suspecting games, and only hope to make friends rather than become enemy. This will only harm each other, and mostly I hope not to make others feel sins when friend with me...... I still remembering that Mr. Ng, I think until now, according to someone, he is still avoiding me. I wonder how long he want to be enemy with me......

THANKS TO GOD

Giving me chance to live and giving me hope

THANKS TO JASON YEONG KAH SENG

who send me to hospital immediately although he had class in ealy morning

THANKS TO MY MOTHER

who accompany me for two nights

THANKS TO BRO KIN WAI

who keep on asking my conditionand caring me

THANKS TO BRO BOON

who called me immediately once he got the news

THANKS TO QI SIAN

who help me asking about attandence and retake test

THANKS TO HOOI LING

who help me buy bus tickets and take it to me

THANKS TO ALVIN AND LEE SANG

who visit me at the second day and make me more comfortable form bored

THANKS TO MR & MRS THAM

who visit me and giving me well advice

THANKS TO RYAN

who help me taking my stuffs and inform to my dad

THANKS TO SWEE NAM, SAM, SHIRLEEN & KHAI MENG

who visit me even I come out from ward

THANKS TO LEH YENG AND CALGVINE

who still caring me when the day I'm not online and in hostel

THANKS TO JACKY AND ROY

who giving me a call even at late eveing to asking my condition

THANKS TO MIKKI AND JIA YEE

who sms with me while I'm in ward

THANKS TO TA 18

one of my will to support and encourage me to live

THANKS TO THOSE WHO HAD WROTE MY SITUATION IN THEIR BLOG

I HAD READ IT ALREADY......

THANK YOU

EUGENE TOH REALLY LOVE YOU ALL

HOPE GOD ALWAYS SHINE ON YOU ALL

AND ALWAYS BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY